I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
