i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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