worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
