I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
