im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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