i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
