Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
