Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
