dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
