Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
