um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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