Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
