I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh god it's open bar.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
