i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How naked do you want me to be?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
