Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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