Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
