curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
