1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
