Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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