Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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