So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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