I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
