Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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