I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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