I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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