He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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