I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
