You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
