Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
