six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
