At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
