This girl is more easily done than said...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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