it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
