If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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