That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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