I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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