I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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