my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
