So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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