I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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