I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
