I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
