We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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