The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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