I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
