just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
