she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
