some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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