last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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