just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
