Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
